My name’s Ken. I’m an alcoholic. I was born in Romford on a council estate with my brother. Our parents would take us on holidays to Clacton on Sea in a caravan. While other families went into the clubhouse at night, we would go to bed early as my parents weren’t drinkers. I wasn’t interested in school, so a few of us would jump over the fence and take the day off. I was born in 1949, left school at 15 years old, got a job somewhere and kept changing them. I don’t know how many different jobs I’ve had. I had one job up until 11 am on the day I started, I asked when we would go to lunch, and the guy said 1 to 2, I said can’t I go 12-1, He said, no, everyone goes 1-2, so, I made out I was going to the toilet and left. If I did that today I would have made sure I collected my money.
My drinking was out of control straight away. I had blackouts which were horrendous. One day I went in the pub, the landlord said can’t serve you, not after what you said to my wife. I still don’t know what I said to this day and couldn’t ask him. That was in 1977. When I think about it, I still cringe. I was obsessed by booze. I would go to the off license buy a bottle of drink and before I opened it, I’d be buzzing. When I drank some of it and there was a little bit left in the bottle, I’d be panicking, have I got enough money to buy another one? Worst case scenario for me was to be drinking indoors, crashing out on the sofa and waking up when everything would be shut and I couldn’t get another drink until the morning. I have driven at to Kilburn because I knew there was a 24 hour off license there to get a drink.
I remember ‘Teacher’ John came to A.A. at 68 years old, I wouldn’t have made it to that age. I was 29-year-old and coughing up blood and carried on, thought it was part of drinking. I was getting in so much trouble through the drink. One evening there was a programme on the telly about A.A. I was working at a company and abused the sick pay and this TV Programme was running around my head. I told my manager about my drinking, and he let me use the phone in the office, so I called A.A.
Percy came round to speak to me; He was six years sober and had chopped his fingers off when drunk and didn’t remember. My first meeting was March 1979 in Upminster. I told everyone at work I was sober and going to A.A., I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. After a couple of weeks, I drank. There was a shop nearby and on Sunday you could get a drink under the counter. A man I worked with drove by so I jumped in a hedge, I had told everyone I wasn’t drinking. Then I had what they call a moment of sanity. A lot of people don’t get to that point. I did and I put the drink down.
It was hard, I couldn’t converse with people while sitting in the work canteen. I had no social skills and would sit in my car away from everyone. I ended up going to meetings. 29th July 1981 is the date I got sober the same day Charles and Diana got married. I ended up getting a sponsor, ‘Smiler’ Bill. He got sober in 1964. Bill went to the Three Colts Street meeting; this was before Toynbee Hall opened. I met Jimmy from Luton who 12 stepped ‘Smiler’ Bill. Jimmy also went to the Three Colts Street meeting with Scottish Pat. I got myself a homegroup, Sunday Morning Canning Town, which was at the Mayflower, then Anchor House. We haven’t been allowed back in, so it’s on Zoom. It still is my homegroup. I like Zoom I go to both.
I went to a lot of conventions back then with people like ‘Big’ Stan who would get a coach. We’d meet at Mile End station and go somewhere in Kent. We’d go to the Southern Convention which was at the Brighton Centre. Then it went to Camber Sands, then Brean Sands, then moved to Hayling Island. I think it’s at Weston Super Mare now. There’s a song that sticks out, Oleta Adams ‘Get Here’; they used to play it at Camber Sands, it’s a lovely song. We also went to a convention in Cheltenham because Little Phil and Off Licence Gerry were speaking. Gerry had an off Licence in Forest Gate. We took three carloads with us. I remember the 40th anniversary at Kings Cross, ‘Teacher’ Steve spoke. ‘Filo Fax’ Pete would do a retreat once a year on August bank holiday in Theydon Bois, around 40 odd people would go. It was meetings in a peaceful setting. I think it was at Wansfell College.
The meetings I’d go were Monday at East Ham, and Tuesday St Clements; people from all over would go to this one, a huge meeting. I couldn’t speak, and this guy who came around the same time as me would share and make people laugh, I asked Big Mick the Antiques Dealer what am I doing wrong. He said it isn’t a competition. Wednesday Toynbee Hall or Dagenham, Thursday Barking with Plaistow Bill and Micky O, then to the wimpy bar. I miss Micky O; we would play Golf on a Thursday. Friday was Ilford or London Hospital. I wouldn’t go to Ilford cos ‘Shetland’ John used to go there; He had a chemist shop where I lived and I would go in there drunk. I said to him once you must like a drink, he said nah I haven’t had one for 27 years. He was one of them, real old-timers. Saturday was Leytonstone, there was Sunday at the Mayflower or one on Lea Bridge Road.
My first chair was at the Dagenham meeting. All the people who came in with me are now getting old. Yvonne came to her first meeting at Dagenham. Eleanor from Shenfield 12-stepped her. They came around with me and are still here. I rang my mate PJ in Ireland; he lived in London for 30 years and we speak every week. There was Welsh Moyra who was friends with my mum. Moyra died when she was 52 years sober. In the early meetings all that was read out was the preamble. No one said Hi either, no reading from the Big Book. Going through the steps then is different to what I hear it is today. It was different, we just spoke to each other. A lot of the new ways came through more of the treatment centres.
A guy who came in before me, said to me recently, A.A. is not as good as it used to be, is it Ken. I think it’s much better, it’s bigger and more people. Patsy from Ireland used to say about sowing the seed of discontent and I don’t want to be doing that. In those days there wasn’t anyone who was 40 or 50 years sober. I have lifelong friends and have seen their kids grow up and seen them at meetings. I still speak with Brian of Elm Park and Janet, who was the first woman I heard do a chair. I spoke to her the other night. I didn’t have a passport, and never travelled. I have now been to 12 different States in America, Scotland, and Ireland and the saddest thing for me is people get sober and stop coming. Some haven’t drunk for 30 years, but I’ve never stopped coming. In 2015 I had a major op emergency and pulled through that. I try to look after myself today. I discipline myself with exercise and food. My Chiropractor said I have a bad back probably due to driving all these years. I try and do what they tell me…for a change.
Drugs are a part of my story, if I was in a room and drugs were being passed around, I couldn’t say no. If I don’t want to do something today, I won’t do it, it’s as simple as that. I learnt all that in the fellowship. I stay for how long I want and then go when I want, I am doing what I want to do, that song by Sinatra, I did it my way. I always did it other people’s way; I was a chronic alcoholic and a chronic people pleaser; I learnt that in the fellowship.
My father died on a Saturday night when I was 10 years sober. If I’d been drinking, I’d have heard about it the next day. My mother died when I was 27 years sober. I thank God for them seeing me sober. I’ve been in a relationship for 16 years which is a world record for me. My nephew is 43-years old and he hasn’t seen me drink. When I started going to A.A. my family were pleased. My mum would make cakes for the anniversary meetings. Danny S used to do these shows and my mum would come. I was at the first Cockney Convention in 1984, ‘Baker’ Fred and ‘Teacher’ Steve were on the committee. A lady who did the chair wasn’t going to any meetings which caused controversy; there’s always controversy in A.A. The Cockney Convention was the first place in this country I saw a candle being blown out. Pat the chef and Irish Chris had been to the world convention in New Orleans in 1980, where a newcomer lights the candle and the longest sober blows it out. I was at the 50-year celebration in Blackpool. This Texan man did the chair, he was 50 years sober. He said, he shook the hand that shook the world; amazing. I love A.A.
We did this at the London Convention 2024
East London Archives of Alcoholics Anonymous. 