In 1984 I was singing in a choir in Tipperary, and a friend of mine, a Franciscan friar and a drinking partner stopped drinking. He had been going to Alcoholics Anonymous for the past three months, and he 12-stepped me. I stayed but only for three months because I suffered from another convenient disease: amnesia. I got sidetracked with politics and got myself elected onto my home town council. I was too proud to go to local A.A. meetings. I knew A.A. was good, I saw people getting sober but thought I never could. The drink got me again. In the meantime, we lost a child to cot death. So, my wife and our young daughter emigrated to England and I brought the alcoholic with me.
My next guest appearance was on 6th January 1991. I was 12 stepped by a man whose wife was teaching my children. He took me to the Forest Gate Lunchtime meeting. I still wasn’t ready; too busy to go to more than one meeting a week. I came back to A.A. after my adopted parent’s marriage celebration where I caused a scene. The Member who worked with me was twelve years sober. Culturally we were opposites in every capacity. If we’d been in Scotland, we wouldn’t have been on the same side of the Football pitch. He was single, and his social and political views polarised my mind; yet he gave time to 12-step me. That was 19th July 1995, a Wednesday night at Forest Gate and I haven’t looked back.
That first night, people believed in me: people who I didn’t know and who didn’t know me. That is the best 12-step work anyone can do. I was 4 days off the drink and hearing Irish accents. The first thing that came into my head was, do they know how important I am back in Ireland? My grandiosity came back and I thought everyone knew me from before. Many people pass through we cannot always remember, but after a short time they remembered my name because I stayed.
Six months later my daughter Michelle got involved with Alateen. She found it extremely beneficial and wrote articles for their magazines. She is now 41 years old. My family were very supportive, my younger daughter Alice would come to the Cafes after the meetings. My wife drove me to the meeting on the 19th July 1995. She had heard all my lies, and the false promises I made over the 16 years we had been together. After the meeting we dropped off Howard who 12-stepped me in Stratford in 1991. She looked at me in the car and said, ‘You’ve got it’. She knew the white flag was up, she knew I had surrendered, she knew I was beaten, the illusion was smashed.
I got busy in meetings and began doing service because I’m a chronic people pleaser. I wanted everyone to like me, and sometimes I can still be that way. I’m not perfect yet. I do service now because it’s good for me, not to get people to like me. The regular service and regular pattern of meetings were important such as getting to meetings early, and chatting about the weather or football. Forest Gate was great, it was the Irish Mafia. All the building site fellas and musicians from Irish pubs. It felt like you had to be pure Irish to get a service position there…that was a joke ;-). It was an important meeting in my early days, to have a cup of tea, and talk about family and work. I got to know people and became part of the furniture.
It took me 12 months to ask this fella to be my sponsor. I hovered around him like a stray dog. Because of my false pride, he said something which I think is important; he said, isn’t it about time you asked me? He said you’re full of false pride which has to be smashed. It’s up to you to swallow that false pride and ask for help. I am indebted to that man. He’s a very happy bunny about not drinking and didn’t gossip about other people. He was busy getting on with his own life. The man is still the same today. He was an example to me.
My consistent pattern of meetings was, Saturday morning at Forest Gate, the evening at the Fridge, Sunday morning at Canning Town the Mayflower, Sunday evening at the Marshalltown Centre in Leyton (which later moved to Walthamstow, Beulah Road) and Monday at St Andrew’s, I did my first service at St Andrew’s as tea maker. ‘Plaistow’ Bill was secretary at the time. Tuesday St Clements was my first visit to that hospital. I asked my wife to drop me off at the gate as they were all mad; I didn’t realise I was the maddest person in the hospital. My home venue, Forest Gate, had four meetings at Durning Hall. Sadly, none are there any more due to the building closing. Thursday was Pope John Paul House, or New Road Chingford; Friday Stratford evening. That was a ‘Living Sober’ meeting. It started at 8:45 pm. That late start was important for me in those early weeks: if I fancied a drink after the meeting ended by then it was 10:30-11 pm and it wasn’t worthwhile, as I wouldn’t get what I wanted.
The Friday Stratford meeting was set up by Liam and ‘Filofax’ Peter. Liam was very active in the Forest Gate meetings. I used to do the variety show with Liam, ‘Plaistow’ Bill, ‘Smiler’ Bob and ‘Basildon’ Willie. We did a play with Hilda, Bill’s wife, a sketch from Charles Dickens, ‘Oliver’. There was a warm atmosphere at the time. Liam got us into Durning Hall if my information is correct, but that was before my time. I remember the first time they did the song ‘One Day at a time’. At the end, I cried. I shared it the next week at the Forest Gate meeting and cried again and got embarrassed. Irish Jean followed me out, Jean gave me a card which said ‘Congratulations, you just jumped the first hurdle’. I had met my emotions and there was nothing to be ashamed of crying, I didn’t want to go back to that World, and long may I remember that. I think that is the most important word in our literature, ‘remember’ Never presume or forget you should be sober, never take it for granted.
Big influences on me were people like ‘Fireman’ Tony, who would point me in the right direction same with ‘Dublin’ Anthony, ‘Scottish’ Howard who 12-stepped me. People like ‘Kerry’ Kevin, Hilda and Julie were helpful, but I had to put in the action. At two months sober I did my first chair at the Mile End meeting, I was petrified. It’s a small world; in that meeting there was a man from my small town who was related to my father.
It took me a year to get started on the program but I went through it fairly quickly. The first person who asked me to help them was a pleasure to work with because they wanted it; there was no chasing, and it made life easy. My fears list was that I was afraid to get the list wrong. My sponsor at the time said you are full of grandiosity; you are more worried about what other people think about you than you think about yourself. I wanted to do step four in calligraphy. I was 18 months around and I wasn’t on the 12-steppers list. I was asked why are you not on the list? I said what happens if someone drinks? He said ‘Denis, you’ve missed what the three pertinent ideas are about, probably no human power can relieve you of your alcoholism so you’re not going to relieve them of theirs.’ That was a relief and made it easier. I’m there as a signpost. I’m not going to get anyone else sober because I didn’t get myself sober.
Howard and I set up Stratford Monday lunch meeting with ‘Barkingside’ John on Whitson day 1996. At first, it was in the annexe of St John’s Church. When they renovated the annexe, we had to look for a new venue. Howard pulled away, so I started running the show by being tea maker, treasurer, male and female greeter, you name it I was doing it. I was told, “too much Denis, not enough A.A.”, so I pulled away. We originally set it up as a step one meeting; one week step one (Mental), next week Step one (physical) and then step one (spiritual). It was heavy stuff for east London on a Monday lunchtime.
Sharon, who was the new secretary of the meeting suggested the format should change to a simple chair. I came back from Ireland to find the venue and format had changed. I said to my sponsor, ‘Look what they have done to my meeting!’ He said, mind your own business. At one Lunchtime there were around 185 people in Bryant Street for the meeting, I said to him you’re right, “take the alky out, leave God in and everything will be ok”. Meaning the meeting will still flourish with or without me.
I was chairman of the Outer East London intergroup. The intergroup split happened before I came in, but the inner and outer joined back around 2003. I was a Region Rep and learnt from people like Dave C who showed me the Traditions and Concepts. He explained why things were done so I could make a decision. I have done workshops on the Traditions at conventions over the years. It’s important to understand them, to know that no one is in charge and they are not either. Having a working knowledge of the Traditions is important to respect other people and understand that not everything has to go your way. There is a Traditions checklist which is helpful. I used the traditions checklist like a step 10; has God been kicked out of the meeting? It’s checking in on myself.
The last workshop was at the All-Ireland in 2019, in my old home county of. They asked me to come back and do it, which was nice. I was the international speaker even though I’m from there. There were four fellas sitting in the crowd who were in my class, But, my homegroup is London. It’s like Northern Ireland Brian, he was at the world convention carrying the Union Jack as his home group was Hackney Step. Brian said he would do anything for A.A. He was a permanent feature at the Cockney Convention for twenty-odd years.
Having a Sponsor is to have a voice outside your head. Terminology isn’t relevant, and it is important no one is in charge or dictating what another alky should be doing. When I asked my sponsor if I was right about something he asked me when did he become God? Make up your own mind. You’re in charge of yourself, the responsibility and decisions have to be yours. I might not be the spanner for your nut, but it is important for a newcomer to breathe and take inventory. Newcomers need to see if they can trust that person. A.A. is too clever; you have to put your head on the pillow. As I say, you can’t cheat at solitaire. It defeats the purpose, and you can’t lie to yourself, I’ve tried and my head said ‘C’mon Denis where are you going with this?
A.A. has to be kept simple, When I say my name is Denis, I’m an alcoholic, I am identifying with you and giving you grounds to say so if you are. I don’t use adjectives, because if I do I believe I’m trying to stand out. That is my insanity and I have to be careful with that. The loss of dignity while drinking was my lower power, so I backed away from that and I do believe there is something very powerful and it’s not me. I need to swallow my false pride. Asking for help is me admitting I’m not God. It was good enough on 19th July 1995 and it’s still good enough in 2024.
Denis archive story was done via zoom 2023
East London Archives of Alcoholics Anonymous. 