East London Archives of Alcoholics Anonymous.

My sobriety date is 31st March 1984, but, my first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting was in 1973.An American Psychiatrist 12 stepped me, his name has left me, he took me to the St Vedest lunchtime meeting in St Paul’s. I hadn’t eaten for days, washed or shaved. The bloke doing the chair said he drinks a big bottle of brandy a day and I remember thinking “Oh, I don’t do that, so I can’t be an alcoholic.” Off I went and got a drink….it got worse. I wasn’t a rowdy noisy drunk, but I got in trouble. Most of my drinking was blackout with a criminal record and I wasn’t a criminal, thought it was part and parcel of drinking and everyone had memory losses. Here’s an instance. At seven years sober, my wife mentioned a cat we once had. I asked her how long we’d had it, and she said three years. Now, I’m not saying I was in blackout for three years, but I still have no recollection or memory of that cat.   

Towards the end I’d devour stuff you’d buy in a hardware store; I often share, if it had “flammable” written on the can then that meant it’s alcohol-based. One day my wife caught me drinking turps at the end of my bed, and threw me out. I went to my Mums, she put me up for a while but she couldn’t handle it. Social drinkers don’t drink aftershave, turps and surgical spirits, I couldn’t see it.

A family friend joined A.A. He’d been sober six months and I bumped into him on the street. He took me to Hackney hospital in September 1983. My older brother came to support me and a fella called Mike the Merc. Mike took me to a meeting every night for a week. I knew I shouldn’t drink, but part of me wanted to. For the first six months I was drinking. I could say, “I’m Joe and I’m an alcoholic”. The only thing I did was keep coming back. I began making tea at the Isle of Dogs Monday evening meeting. I did a chair there while drinking vodka. Everyone slapped me on the back, telling me how good I was, but they knew. I made amends to everyone in that room who was there that night.

The meetings I went to were Hackney Hospital on Monday, St Clements on Tuesday. They had these old fashioned shammy leather chairs with high backs, you could slide up and down them, and I did when God started being spoken about, I wanted the ground to open up. I mean grown men and women talking about God, how embarrassing…… Toynbee Hall Wednesday, Thursday Seamans Mission, Friday – Royal London Hospital, Saturday – The Fridge in Burdett road and Sunday Mile End hospital. At nine months sober I became secretary of that group, it kept me from drinking in my tormented moments when the illness had me and the only reason I didn’t drink, was I knew how the Sunday meeting made me feel.

This is how important step two is for me…came to believe in a power greater than us can restore us to sanity, I needed restoring to sanity and that was when my gut-level acceptance of being an alcoholic hit me. That point I stopped questioning and got on with it. I got interested in the programme itself, the spiritual side of it…well, there is no spiritual side, and the whole Alcoholics Anonymous programme is spiritual.

A huge part is service which I questioned; people tell you it’s good for you. I’m a cynic, I thought it’s a con, trying to get us to be the gopher of A.A. I questioned it until I read the book “The Road Less Travelled” which hit me, the book mentions service, not A.A service but service in general. He wrote, if the fruit tree doesn’t shed its fruit, no new fruit will grow…and I remember understanding the principle; there’s no room for anyone new to grow. I felt maybe this isn’t a con and from that point on I took to service like a duck to water

I attended East London Intergroup as a GSR at a year sober and carried on going for nine years. The meetings were held at St Clements hospital; now it’s Forest Gate, Durning Hall. Plaistow Bill was part of intergroup and took a shine to me, I looked like a fella, he 12 stepped who wasn’t around anymore. When Bill moved to Tiptree, me, Don from Ilford and Tall Mick would visit him. Bill was a strong member of A.A. It took him a while, but he got on the Spiritual path after a time, after sticking his thumb in the top of the whiskey bottle, which sent him back out there for a few years. Intergroup also had Johnny Q and Sailor Dave. There was an issue during this time about taking contributions from outside, this went to parliament. It was over a group calling themselves East London Entertainment group or something like that. After that, Alcoholics Anonymous became the only charity in the world that can refuse outside contributions. We are the only charity that can do this by law and that is a fact.

I was getting into the programme, learning more by going to step meeting at Leytonstone on a Tuesday night, which was the only one around. Me, Teacher Steve, Tall Mick, Andrea and another lady started a Friday day night Step meeting in Lauriston Road, Hackney. We’d read through the 12×12 which got me to realise this isn’t child’s stuff or mumbo jumbo. Johnny Q said the steps are all ideals but step one is a 100% must.

Teacher Steve took me through step 5. I can share anything with Steve and knew it wouldn’t go any further; he’s still my sponsor/friend today and helps people down in Southend where he lives. It says in the 12×12, moment by moment you’ll feel all this dropping away from you…but after my step 5, I felt more vulnerable. I opened my heart and no skeletons were left; I didn’t have this euphoric feeling spoken of. What began to happen slowly but surely were those thoughts of actions of my past began to leave, becoming my first tangible experience of what this programme is about.

When asked to guide another through this stuff, my gut instinct is fear, I’m not good enough and all that and it still happens. I don’t say the word sponsor, it’s more a friend. Some stay in touch, some drift away, but I like to think I’ve helped. People spoke about doing it the Big Book way; some hardliners say it’s the Big Book or nothing. As usual, I questioned and mentioned it to a friend of Teacher Steve. He said Hazelden literature came out and caused conflict. When people say the big book way, they mean using all AA literature, such as 12×12, living sober etc and as usual it gets confused. I say to anyone new, get to meetings and read as much literature as you can. 

I felt the next step was Meditation. It came to me while waiting for an appointment at the Royal London hospital. I was reading a magazine and it mentioned meditation and the word ‘One’ as a mantra. I learnt meditation gives the mind some peace and rest. Coming home from work I’ll be tired and not want to do anything, then that voice says, Joe, your mind needs a rest. The body can relax and sleep, but the mind is always on full blast and meditation gives rest. I still do it today.

You couldn’t help but meet different characters like Kiwi John. He was 18 months sober when I came in. He picked up again and caused issues at meetings. When he was sober, he carried a great message, but couldn’t get it himself. One evening at St Clément’s the chairs were in a huge semi-circle with a huge space in the middle, Kiwi John pounded in, started somersaulting and doing backflips, he took his hat off and capped it to us all…he was taking the Michael, he was a character. He eventually went back to New Zealand.

There was Tai Chi Dave, who taught Tai Chi in China. He was very good. I was eleven years sober and he was nine; he struggled with the God bit. I didn’t see him for a while and he started drinking…this is interesting …what happened is, he went out, had one bottle of lager…one bottle, he didn’t have the second drink for three months, up to then his head never left him alone, it tormented him until he picked up the second, then the third and fourth, he drank himself to death…that one bottle of beer fucked his head up and he drank himself to death. It’s the first drink that does the damage. The way he described the head on him always stays with me.

Sailor Dave was the first person to mention meditation and I have always been grateful to him for getting me on that path. He remained sober up to when he died. He had a great way of sharing and speaking to people. Johnny Q was one of the most Spiritual people I came across. He didn’t believe in God, but the amount of service he did and people he was there for was incredible. That’s why this isn’t a religious program, it’s a spiritual one.

Alcoholics Anonymous is different from my early days, there’s more emphasis on the 12 steps and God. You didn’t hear too much about the steps. It’s changed as younger people in the program are open-minded. Not only that, it is more accepting. We are doing a spiritual act, doing service is a spiritual act. I’ve been doing phone service since I was 10 months sober. Mick the Merc brought me to the phone office in Pimlico, Tachbrook Street. Mari, a lovely woman from Northern Ireland, looked after the office. I was on the East London intergroup Thursday evening shift with Marina, Ray, Mike and Chris. I’ve been doing it for 34 years. The office moved to Redcliffe Gardens, then to Cynthia Street and now Lafone Street.

What I’ve learned in this fellowship is more than I can ever have imagined. Alcoholics Anonymous has a programme that keeps you sober. It may not get you sober, but it keeps you sober. There’s a saying, Religion is for people who are frightened to go to Hell, while Spirituality is for people who have already been there. Spot on.

We did this August 2019 in the London AA Helpline office.