East London Archives of Alcoholics Anonymous.

It was around February of 1982 I called Alcoholics Anonymous. I’m not sure where I got the number from, but I had it as during this this time my 4-year-old nephew was sick in and Whipps Cross Hospital and I needed to drink to visit a child, a child I love; I knew I was in big trouble with alcohol. The only contact with alcohol growing up was my mother. She would have the odd drink at a party with my dad, yet that was it. My uncle, my mum’s brother was an alcoholic and he would occasionally turn up at mums when dad wasn’t there, my mum would feed him, give him clothes to wear and money. To me, an alcoholic was a tramp in the park and that wasn’t me, yet felt that was my uncle, and that was due to my ignorance.

Also, during this time my ex-partner moved all the way to other side of the world, he moved to Australia and I felt I’d never see him again and was heartbroken, even thought I was broken-hearted I abended up getting into the process of letting go by drinking alcohol every night; all I ever wanted was to have love and that somebody to want me. Then on the 12th February, he phoned me from Australia and he eventually asked me to marry him. So, what I did was to celebrate for three days straight, which meant on the fourth day I came ‘round, at that moment I ended up having that girl in the glass moment, where I was Looking in the mirror and I saw myself, I saw that I was an absolute mess, I began thinking, why does he want to marry me, I was feeling horrendous towards myself and that is when I called Alcoholics Anonymous.

I game my number and a lady called me was Betty, she picked me up in her mini, her car had no floor on the passenger side, so I saw the road under me, it felt a bit like that cartoon, The Flintstones. Betty took me to a meeting at St Clements Hospital in Bow and I knew this hospital, which was ‘in my words’ was a “nut house” There, in my mind I saw what I expected, I saw men with string tied ‘round their waist also they were all a lot older than me.

At that meeting, I was told of a Wednesday one in Loughton, so I went and I gathered the leaflets, I got a Where to Find and put them all in my bedside drawer and thought, I can do this on my own, I don’t need those meetings, I don’t need those people as life is going to change, he’s coming home, we’re getting married and off we will go to start life in Australia.

We got married and I was drunk, I was drunk on our wedding day, while walking down the aisle, the thing is, this is all on video. A week after getting married we ended up moving to Australian, for this new life and guess what?  nothing changed. When we got there, we stayed with a friend until we were able to move into our flat. What I would do I would but a Flagon, A flagon was cheap. You try hiding a Flagon in a one-bedroom flat; it’s tough but I did it, I managed to hide that flagon, as you can imagine it got worse, as one evening my husband had to kick the door down as I was in blackout; this was six months into our marriage.

Wen ended up coming back to England, and I promised to stop drinking alcohol and managed three to four weeks. We then went to Spain to live, my husband had a job in a nightclub there and I got one in a hostel making beds. There were linen cupboards on each floor, so obviously I hid a bottle in each cupboard on each floor. After a short time, we came back to England, we came back as we were on a promise, this was the only time my husband said: “if you drink again…we are done”. I stayed dry for three months. Christmas came and I was working as a hairdresser. As it its Christmas my boss said to give a glass of Sherry to each customer we have coming in, So, I obviously had to have one with them, by 2pm, my boss, he sent me home as I was drunk, and I realised then, I cannot stop on my own.

I went to work with my husband at Walthamstow Market, he was a market trader and I went off to a supermarket to get a bottle of Vodka, I got it and took it in the toilet of the supermarket and the vodka just wouldn’t go down and I couldn’t stop crying. Somehow, and I have no idea how, I was in a phone box, and I began to phone Alcoholics Anonymous and they couldn’t help, as I didn’t tell them anything about me, they can’t help someone who isn’t talking.

A few days later I called again and gave my number and this lady called Dot phoned me up, she said she’ll met me for a chat after hanging out her washing. I thought, you’ll call me after you hang out your washing, how dare you and your washing, I want help now. Dot came that afternoon and took me to my first meeting in four years, this was on a Thursday night at a place that looked like a scout’s hut in Upshire. I kept a bottle of vodka in my bag and I obviously went to the toilet for a swig, came back in the room, to which the guy who drove us, came up to me; he knew I drank; he just knew. I said,” I’ve just had a drink” and for me, that was the first time I hadn’t denied having it. On the way home the lady in the front turned to me, put her hands on mine and said: “This could be your last drink, she said my name and then said, you need not drink again, you’ve got us now”.

My last drink was in the toilet of that scout hut in Upshire in 1986. I was 34 years old.

I got involved and four meetings became my grounding, Whipps Cross on a Friday, Loughton on a Wednesday and two on a Saturday and Sunday in Walthamstow. At three months sober, me and my husband booked a holiday to Malta. My first time being away without a drink, I was petrified. Friday morning the Share magazine came through the post; low and behold there were listings of Malta meetings, I couldn’t believe it. I told ‘Scottish’ Tom, we just booked a holiday to Malta and the Share mag arrived with a list of meetings. “Oh,” said Tom, “I can do better than that, I know someone who goes to that meeting”. While in Malta I met the fella who was friends with the guy from my home group, he was a greeter. He asked if I’d do the chair next week; I said, “oh no I couldn’t possibly do it”. He said think about it, by the end of the meeting, I said I’ll try.

My first chair was in Malta. I began going through the agony of writing it down, reading it to my husband and want I ended up doing was just talking. I came out the meeting elated that I’d spoken finally, and as a result, a woman asked me to do a chair the next day in Valetta at a women’s meeting.

My homegroup taught me about service. It was explained I’d learn about alcoholism and the 12 steps by sticking with a homegroup. I began service as a literature secretary, then doing the wards at an East London Hospital. We would see if anyone admitted as a result of alcohol whether a broken leg or a broken heart, to see if they wanted to come to a meeting.

Roy and another member would drive from Kent to the Whipps Cross meeting and he told me about A.A Telephone service at Redcliffe Gardens in London. Roy invited me to meet the North East Kent Saturday afternoon group, which I did and I loved it so much. There was Neil the team leader, Roy, a wonderful advocate for the fellowship, Journalist James, Carmel. Carmel and I were so different, we just didn’t click at first, but what happened in this short space of time we began to love each other instantly. I think Roy brought us together for that reason. Carmel and I are still close, she is still one of my closest friends in this fellowship and I’m grateful these people came into my life when they did. I was part of that Telephone group for 12 years and loved every minute of it.

In February 1992 I, Denis, ‘Scottish’ Tom and Bob set up a Monday night meeting in a new Church, in Leytonstone on Fairlop Road. Then, with ‘Australian’ Terry who got sober in Australia, he helped and arranged for us to have a room in a place called the cornerstone. After three years we outgrew the room and moved it to Whipps Cross hospital on a Wednesday evening, this meeting still thrives. Well, not when the pandemic hit, it obviously closed, but it is now back open. Around November that year, I went into hospital due to my back issue and that meant I was away for about three months, unable to get to meetings or be at my homegroup. Pretty much everyone in the group came to see me at hospital or at home. We weren’t individuals, we were a group and that’s what I appreciate so much in recovery. I stepped outside my comfort zone to be part of a group with no leaders; oh, it was brilliant. At the moment I’ve not had a homegroup for three or four years, I suffer from arthritis and can’t go out as much and miss it. When lockdown happened, the online meetings started on Zoom, which for me was good for my pride, as I like my hair done, makeup and this helped me get over it. I had that same anticipation as I did when I first came in, as I can get to a meeting online and see people I have known for years.

Dot was my sponsor and has been in my life all the way up to when she sadly left us. Dot took me through the program and it helped me as when I was asked at three years sober by Stella, which was my first time, and I was obviously nervous. Me and Stella would go swimming, talk about life, the steps, anything, then go for coffee and read the step. Stella later moved to Australia when she turned ten years sober. She is now 34 years. Every time I go through the program with another, it opens up; it’s never done; it’s ongoing, I began feeling my faith more, making that decision to turn it over, I’d come to God, to my higher power and it never lets me down.

All I wanted when getting sober was to be there for my mum. My Dad died when I was 26 years old. It was hard at first, as my Mum didn’t need my help, she needed company. For twenty years I cared for her, she got the best of me and the worst of me. I’d bite back over stuff like putting on a pillowcase, she wanted it done her way, I’d argue back until I surrendered and kept my mouth shut, it made life much easier. The only time I do anything wrong is when I open my mouth. That’s my biggest defect…and it is something I continue to learn from.

During that period of time, a meeting opened up on December 2005 a meeting was set up by Lisa and Fiona, at a church hall in North East London and I began going, just like before something happened and again the right people came in my life. It helped save my sanity as for the last four years of Mum’s life I was with her from 8am to 3 pm every day and I’d go this meeting straight after and the meeting and the people were my rock. When my Mum died and we buried her on Thursday morning; I went straight this this meeting to be with me and a wonderful fellowship.

I am so proud I got my Mum to be 89 years old and for her to have a good quality of life where we had so, so, many happy memories with each other. Towards the end we did have 14 weeks of hell. One day Mum didn’t have her teeth in; she didn’t know where they were and I looked and looked and, in the end, I said, “oh mum let’s leave it, we can get you another set of teeth” I was kneeling by her and she put her forehead to mine and said “You’ve changed”……..They were the magical words…I’ve changed, I’m not that Bolshy alcoholic who came into the rooms. I could never have learned this without the 12 steps, and especially without God who brought these wonderful, loving people into my life.

God got me here; God keeps me here. My God is mine; you can have anything you like. It’s broadened my mind to a whole wider higher power which allows me to be a person among people.

This was done in September 2022 over zoom