All I knew about A.A was an uncle of mine was sober for a few years, we knew he needed A.A as he was mental with the drink. A family friend called Jimmy Mac had found A.A. and he came to twelve-step the whole family, once he started talking about God, we thought he’s gone insane. Jimmy is 39 years sober now (as of July 2019). Jimmy told me a long time later, he knew there was an interest in A.A. from me, as I kept asking questions. As for God, I always had a belief. My uncle Tommy used to tell us Bible stories about David and Goliath, I never had any of this “God is gonna strike you from the sky” sort of thing, so it was always a loving God.
My last taste of alcohol was at a company party in January 1983. I was calling the guvnor different names and stuff, I wasn’t pleasant. That was my rock bottom, but so many bad instances happened before and I knew the drink had me. At my first meeting they spoke of an illness. I felt sorry for them. I knew I couldn’t drink but didn’t think I had an illness, or an alcoholic; there was no string tied around my waist. At half time I helped a lady called Sheila bring the tea around. The chair, Celtic Eddie, who since passed away I identified with and felt they’re nice people, not very well, but quite funny, but knew they knew about drinking. I could stop for a certain amount of time by keeping busy, but I’d always end up drunk again. Bill W says in the book, banging the table, how did I get here again and another trip to the sanatorium. The hook for me with AA was they probably could help me stay stopped, I believed they were sober and found them quite entertaining and nice. There is so much hope and love in A.A. with some madness too.
My first year I went to meetings and knew God was with me because three months later my Mum came. My Mum, me and my sister Andrea went to my Mum’s first meeting at St Clements Hospital in Mile End Road, April 1983. The guy doing the chair was Spanish Tony. In April 1984 I fell on the floor and sobbed and knew I was going to get drunk because I didn’t join A.A, I just went to open meetings. Which meant anyone could turn up, so basically was doing this on my own…take what I need and work it out, so I know what it’s like not getting involved all while pretending to be well, this is when I joined A.A and got involved, properly.
My first sponsor was ‘Scottish’ Margaret, she was old school, she hadn’t been through the Big Book at that time, but what Margaret did for me was give me time, kindness and felt like I wanted her to tell me off, I thought a sponsor was someone who puts you right. Then I met “Belfast Archie” who completed 50 years of continuous sobriety on 24th September, 2013.He passed away on 13th May, 2014. He was probably the first person I confided in and felt safe with. He’d buy me tea and a Chelsea bun. I was four years sober and thought I knew his game. The truth is he helped save my life, he listened and that is what I needed. He didn’t tell me about going through the book or needing a Higher Power, he would say stick with the meetings, you’re doing great, keep phoning people and this was before mobiles.
I used to go to the Fridge (Mile End), it was freezing as there was no roof, just a small heater in the corner. Tony C was doing the chair who was hysterically funny and I loved it, I felt comfortable there. I met Bernie Mac there, his face was full of life, he was funny and nearer my age, he became my sponsor. They never said men for men and women for women back then, even though I get why it should be. I was 22 years old going on 12 emotionally. Bernie is still sober and lives in Australia.
After that meeting, Bernie Mac, Tommy and Tony C dropped me off home. I was living at my Mum’s because AA said don’t let anything get in the way of your sobriety, so I left my Husband, Job and Flat and moved into Mum’s. I’ll never forget the tape on in the car,” Stand by Me” (this song became my AA anthem). The three of them sang at the top of their lungs. I was mortified, so embarrassed that they would sing in front of each other. Since then, as years rolled on, life happened, and those anxious feelings appeared and being afraid … .out the blue, I’d hear Stand by Me. I saw U2 at Wembley, Bono walked on stage wearing a cowboy hat, he began singing it, at the time me and my Husband were going through stuff, we were married 12 years, I met him when I was very young. I’d hear that song at times of trouble and realise I’m being looked after.
Bernie, Tony C, Jimmy Mac, Frank P (an American guy who is still around) and Tony M. Tony M was such a beautiful man, who sadly passed away (2019), were part of Joys of Recovery in Chelsea, and sponsored by David B. He was the guy who took people through the steps. Robert N used to go; Harry would turn up sometimes. Frank P would tell people in his American accent when their heads go “You just gotta scrub that tub” meaning keep yourself busy … .if the wife or husband’s left, he’d say, go scrub that tub. We were buzzing down the Kings Road, the meetings were packed with recovery, we wanted to save the world and I realised I could have a life. In East London I’d go to St Clements Hospital, Stratford Bryant Street and Toynbee Hall. Toynbee was dark, full of old-timers, 100 years old and all that. There was Mick ‘The Tick’, ‘Ironing Board’ Arthur, ‘Plaistow’ Bill, many characters. My home group was on Tuesday step at Seamans Mission in Poplar, me and my mum started. There also was a Thursday, Saturday afternoon and Sunday night meeting, the mission loved A.A.
‘Plaistow’ Bill saved my life. Bill picked up after a long time sober, he spoke about the bottle of whiskey on top of the cupboard, he’d look at it constantly, one day he put his thumb in the whiskey and that was all it took, off he went back to sanatoriums. My head was jiggered, it was saying “you’re 23 years old you Cannae be an alky” and it was like a punch in the head when Bill talked about drinking again after a long time without. He showed me this is cunning, baffling and powerful. If it took this guy away, it could me. I have to stay present and believe nothing is wasted, I’m here to learn and hearing Bill speak of drinking again made me realise other things can take me out, so this is an inside job and God helps me with that. I was driven by a hundred forms of fear and of everybody’s opinions of me. It isn’t like that today. Today, I sleep great, I’m pretty present and I love myself.
My Mum and I were buzzing off sobriety, we’d get drinkers off the parks, take them home, feed them, clean their shirts…our intentions were good, but they were scared. We’d take them to meetings and they’d drink, I’d lose it, saying you’re an alcoholic you can’t drink. Then I was told, no Angie, YOU can’t drink, you can carry the message but not the man or woman. Back then 12 stepping was very different, no mobile phones or internet, all calls went through Redcliffe Gardens in Chelsea.
With sponsoring I’m not sure of other people’s opinions but my experience is you have to live this stuff for a while, you may have someone’s life in your hands. It’s OK taking someone through the book, the book does the work. My issue is when the person isn’t practising the book, not going to the meetings or being involved with people they shouldn’t be. The first person I sponsored at three years sober was a Scottish woman called Jess, I was off my head and learnt a lot during those times. I moved to Australia for two years, so Jess and I drifted. I was in Scotland and Jess was secretary of the meeting, amazing! She’s still sober and married. I’ve had sponsee’s disappear when they get to step 4, if they don’t continue, they’ll not know what’s on offer. You learn with living experience.
Over the years I have seen A.A change with the number of young people joining. It’s evolved, there are more meetings and more people up for the programme. It still has the same attraction for me. Some meetings have closed like London Hospital on a Friday night, it had around a hundred odd people, but now you go to Bethnal Green on Saturday morning and the place is heaving, it’s buzzing. I love this stuff, the other night I was out with Andrea 33 years sober, Harry 32, Bernie 15, and young Kyle who’s 3 months old all my buddies, I surround myself with good people, we’re all just trying our best. I love Alcoholics Anonymous, as this deal has given me a life.
This was done July 2019 at a café in Stratford, East London
East London Archives of Alcoholics Anonymous. 